[Verse 1]
             
Wish I was a s

              
tone, so I cou

         
ldn't feel
              
You'd yell in 

              
my face, it'd 

          
be no big deal
              
But I'd miss t

              
he way we make

           
 up and smile
              
Don't want to 

            
be stone, I ch

         
anged my mind

[Verse 2]
              
I wish I had e

              
yes in the bac

        
k of my head
              
Then I could s

              
ee the places 

      
I've been
              
But then I wou

              
ld know that y

              
ou're talkin' 

 
shit
              
I don't want t

            
o know what my

           
 friends think

[Verse 3]
              
Wish I were my

              
 dog out on th

    
e lawn
              
I'd be so glad

              
 when I hear y

        
ou come home
              
But if I were 

              
my dog, I woul

            
dn't live long
              
I'm sure gonna

            
 miss her when

       
 she's gone

[Verse 4]
              
I wish I could

              
 act in a show

     
 on TV
              
'Cause then I 

              
could practice

          
 not bein' me
              
I'll practice 

              
my cry, put it

           
 into my reel
              
But you won't 

            
believe me whe

             
n I cry for re

al

[Verse 5]
              
I wish that my

              
 brain would t

          
riple in size
              
I'd nail every

              
 joke, I'd win

         
 every fight
              
But I'd get to

              
o deep with th

            
at kind of min

d
              
I don't wanna 

            
know the point

      
 of life

[Verse 6]
              
In some other 

              
life I would b

    
e rich
              
I'd travel in 

              
style, I'd cov

        
er the bill
              
But couldn't c

              
omplain 'bout 

           
anything small
              
Nobody'd feel 

            
bad for me at 

 
all

[Verse 7]
              
If I was cocai

              
ne or a bottle

      
 of Jack
              
I'd get invite

            
d to every fra


t
              
But when you g

              
et old and you

              
r good days ha

     
ve passed
              
You'll only wa

            
nt me when you

     
're sad

[Verse 8]
              
Wish I was a s

              
ong, your favo

      
urite one
              
You'd follow t

              
he dance to me

         
 at your prom
              
I would be the

              
re when your b

         
aby is born
              
For two or thr

            
ee minutes, th

        
en I'm gone

[Verse 9]
              
I wish I was b

              
ig, as big as 

     
my house
              
I'd sleep on t

              
he trees, I'd 

            
skip every cro


wd
              
But I wouldn't

              
 fit on my the

           
rapist's couch
              
God, I could r

            
eally use him 

 
now

[Verse 10]
              
I wish I was G

              
od, I'd never 

      
trip up
              
And if I did, 

              
well, so fucki

    
n' what?
              
I could be cru

              
el and break a

          
ll your stuff
              
Yeah, I'd be l

            
oved no matter

  
 what

[Verse 11]
              
But if I was G

              
od, it'd get k

        
inda weird
              
'Cause you wou

              
ld only say wh

           
at I wanna hea

r
              
And then you w

              
ould die, you'

              
d love me to d


eath
            
I never know w

              
ho the hell I 


am

[Pre-Chorus]
             
I wish I was m

              
e, whoever tha

  
t is
              
I could just b

              
e and not give

    
 a shit
              
Hey, I'll be w

              
hatever makes 

       
you a fan
              
'Cause I don't

      
 know who the 

hell I am
              
(—am-am-am-am-

              
am-am-am-am-am

          
-am-am-am—)

[Chorus]
              
One, two, pand

           
emonium!......

   
....
             
One, two, pand

           
emonium!.....
              
Here I go agai


n
             
One, two, pand

           
emonium!.....
              
Here I go agai


n
              
One, two, pand

           
emonium!......

   
....

One, two—
             
Here I go agai

n