Y'all act like

              
 you never see

   
n a white pers

on before
            
Jaws all on th

              
e floor like P

      
am and Tommy j

ust burst in t

he door
            
and started wh

             
oopin her ass 


worse than bef

ore
            
they were firs

              
t divorced, th

        
rowin her over

 furniture (Ah

h!)
            
It's the retur

              
n of the... "A

    
h, wait, no wa

y, you're kidd

ing,
            
he didn't just

              
 say what I th


ink he did, di

d he?"
            
And Dr. Dre sa

     
id... nothing 

you idiots!
            
Dr. Dre's dead

       
, he's locked 

in my basement

! (Ha-ha!)
            
Feminist women

        
 love Eminem
              
chigga chigga 

  
chigga
              
"Slim Shady, I

     
'm sick of him

 look at him, 
            
Walkin' around

        
 grabbin' his 

you-know-what
              
Flippin the yo

            
u-know-who," "

              
Yeah, but he's

 
 so cute thoug

h!"
            
Yeah, I probab

              
ly got a coupl

         
e of screws up

 in my head lo

ose
            
But no worse, 

              
than what's go

    
in on in your 

parents' bedro

oms
            
Sometimes, I w

            
anna get on TV

              
 and just let 

              
loose, but can

   
't
              
but it's cool 

              
for Tom Green 

   
to hump a dead

 moose
            
"My bum is on 

              
your lips, my 

   
bum is on your

 lips"
            
And if I'm luc

              
ky, you might 

       
just give it a

 little kiss
            
And that's the

              
 message that 

         
we deliver to 

little kids
            
And expect the

              
m not to know 

          
what a woman's

 clitoris is
            
Of course they

              
 gonna know wh

           
at intercourse

 is
              
By the time th

        
ey hit fourth 

grade
              
They got the D

  
iscovery Chann

el don't they?
            
"We ain't noth

            
ing but mammal

              
s.." Well, som

            
e of us cannib

als
              
who cut other 

 
people open li

ke cantaloupes

 [SLURP]
            
But if we can 

         
hump dead anim

als and antelo

pes
            
then there's n

              
o reason that 

            
a man and anot

her man can't 

elope
            
[*EWWW!*] But 

              
if you feel li

    
ke I feel, I g

ot the antidot

e
            
Women wave you

              
r pantyhose, s


ing the chorus

 and it goes


[Chorus: Eminem (repeat 2X)]
            
'Cause I'm Sli

              
m Shady, yes I

 
'm the real Sh

ady
            
All you other 

              
Slim Shadys ar

 
e just imitati

ng
            
So won't the r

              
eal Slim Shady

    
 please stand 

up,
            
please stand u

    
p, please stan

d up?

            
Will Smith don

              
't gotta cuss 

         
in his raps to

 sell his reco

rds;
            
well I do, so 

              
fuck him and f


uck you too!
            
You think I gi

              
ve a damn abou

      
t a Grammy?
              
Half of you cr

            
itics can't ev

              
en stomach me,

  
 let alone sta

nd me
            
"But Slim, wha

              
t if you win, 

    
wouldn't it be

 weird?"
            
Why? So you gu

              
ys could just 

       
lie to get me 

here?
            
So you can, si

            
t me here next

 to Britney Sp

ears?
            
Shit, Christin

            
a Aguilera bet

ter switch me 

chairs
            
so I can sit n

              
ext to Carson 

  
Daly and Fred 

Durst
            
and hear 'em a

              
rgue over who 

          
she gave head 

to first
            
You little bit

              
ch, put me on 

 
blast on MTV
             
"Yeah, he's cu

             
te, but I thin

              
k he's married

  
 to Kim, hee-h

ee!"
            
I should downl

              
oad her audio 

    
on MP3
              
and show the w

            
hole world how

          
 you gave Emin

em VD [AHHH!]
            
I'm sick of yo

              
u little girl 

            
and boy groups

              
, all you do i

    
s annoy me
              
so I have been

  
 sent here to 

destroy you [b

zzzt]
            
And there's a 

              
million of us 

                  
just like me
            
who cuss like 

              
me; who just d

       
on't give a fu

ck like me
            
who dress like

              
 me; walk, tal

       
k and act like

 me
            
and just might

              
 be the next b

      
est thing but 

not quite me!

[Chorus]
            
I'm like a hea

              
d trip to list

         
en to, cause I

'm only givin 

you
            
things you jok

              
e about with y

          
our friends in

side your livi

ng room
            
The only diffe

         
rence is I got

 the balls to 

say it
             
in front of y'

             
all and I don'

             
t gotta be fal


se or sugarcoa

ted at all
            
I just get on 

       
the mic and sp

it it
            
and whether yo

              
u like to admi

             
t it [*ERR*] I


 just shit it
             
better than ni

             
nety percent o

         
f you rappers 

out can
              
Then you wonde

            
r how can kids

              
 eat up these 

  
albums like va

liums
            
It's funny; ca

              
use at the rat


e I'm goin whe

n I'm thirty
            
I'll be the on

              
ly person in t

     
he nursin home

 flirting
            
Pinchin nurses

          
 asses when I'

m jackin off w

ith Jergens
            
And I'm jerkin

              
 but this whol

           
e bag of Viagr

a isn't workin

g
            
And every sing

              
le person is a

   
 Slim Shady lu

rkin
            
He could be wo

              
rkin at Burger

          
 King, spittin

 on your onion

 rings
            
[*HACH*] Or in

              
 the parkin lo

      
t, circling
              
Screaming "I d

  
on't give a fu

ck!"
              
with his windo

     
ws down and hi

s system up
            
So, will the r

             
eal Shady plea


se stand up?
            
And put one of

              
 those fingers

     
 on each hand 

up?
            
And be proud t

              
o be outta you

    
r mind and out

ta control
            
and one more t

              
ime, loud as y

   
ou can, how do

es it go?

[Chorus 4X]

Ha ha
Guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us
Fuck it, let's all stand up